This week has been a big boring nothing week. Over the span of three days I FINALLY watched The Lord Of The Rings. My next series to tackle: Star Wars. I have just been sitting on my butt doing nothing. I get up to do my chores and go to the bathroom but other than I don't do anything... Just like those pirates. (veggie tale reference) I really need to change this. Although next week wont be any better. I will be memorizing my lines and writing my SEP outline and trying to get my English grade up and get that part of my life back in check. I hate it when I lose control of a situation like I have pretty much everything right now. I just wish I had the drive to do this. Knowing you have to do something is one thing. But actually getting up and doing it is entirely different. I just hope I can make the change in the next 9 days. I will force myself to make a habit out of it. The other day I totally made a FOOL out of myself. I was asked to act like nothing ever happened. And I did. And then it seemed like I didn't even tho I was. Make sense? That's pretty much as vague as I can get it and also as clear as I can as well. I just need to not be reckless and keep my thoughts organized. I just want to get back to school and for things to get back to the way they were. Or better. That would be nice. I just hope I didn't jeopardize any possible chance I had. Tomorrow I will be with Molly and hopefully she can talk some sense into me. I don't think being couped up at home is good on anyone. You tend to go a little crazy. I don;t know what I'm going to do once I graduate. Scratch that. I don't know HOW I'm going to what I'm doing once I graduate. I feel like everything needs to be put on pause. But this is only high school. I haven't caught even a sliver of real life. Things are still being handed to me. I don't know where all this is coming from. Maybe because my friend James just asked me what it feels like to be 18. Whether he was serious or not I don't know but its a good question nonetheless. I guess, James, it was fun at first. I got to do a whole bunch of stuff I couldn't do before. I got carded twice. Not for anything bad but still I thought that was cool. But now that I only have three quarters left of high school left I'm being pressed down to the floor. There is so much out there and I will have so much that is expected of me. How do you live up to every ones standards. That question is easy to answer. Don't live up to any bodys standards and expectations other than your own and that of God. You matter and what you think and how you view yourself is what is going to make or break you out in the world. God is there, following you and when you look down in the sand and see only one set of footprints... That's God carrying you through your struggles. Trust in God to be there when nothing is going right. When you are in debt. When you are in trouble. Know that you can make a difference and depending on the situation God will be there to back you up. So yes. Being 18 is awesome. but it comes with the territory.
Xoxo. Caitlin Lorraine (:
