FRIENDS...

There are many different definitions for the word. And just about all of them are true. Some are just silly. But what is your definition? Mine is simply this: Friends are the people in your life that are constant and there. They know your faults and call you out on your bullshit. You fight. You make up. Because you know you piss each other off sometimes but then you get over it. You love eachother through thick and thin.

But when your friend just wont stop arguing with you about the SAME thing what do you do?! I try and try to make him come to his sense but I had to result to telling him to just back off and leave me alone :( I didn't like it at all. What do I do?

If You Really Knew Me...

If you really knew me you would see that I am more than what I appear to be. Yes I am a very open person. So I don't have much to hide. But there are those things and I have kept them hidden for a reason. You would know what strange things I get angry at. It may be something totally random and sometimes its directed towards someone but it just about hits home. To know someone you have to have earned their trust otherwise the relationship you are in with that person, may it be friendship or possibly more, wont be going anywhere. If you really knew me you'd know I trust easily. I forgive easily. I overlook things easily. I am put down easily. I take things easily. I let others walk all over me and tell me what I think. This may not be good. I need to have people earn my trust because I have had way to many people abuse it. I need to know that people make mistakes, but when they make the same one over and over again, its time to realize they will never change and stop giving second chances. I need to stop trying to find the silver lining in something when it isn't there and I need to live in the present. I can take constructive criticism but when you criticize me because you can it hurts. I may not show it on the outside but when I go home I'm a mess. I cant stop thinking about what you said. I don't know how to say "no". This isn't meant in a sexual or dirty way at all. Its just when people ask me for something I get up and do it. I let people use me like that among other things (not sex related. I promise.) and I know it needs to stop but I don't like hurting other people. I know things. People don't think I do. They think I'm just another dumb blond. Everything I say to someone or every question I ask gets looked at like, "Did you really just say that? How could you be so stupid??" Now maybe that's not really how people mean to look at me but that's what I feel. And when I do know something it just gets looked over and they don't take it for granted that I can help them now. I wont be able to soon. And when someone tells me something I believe it. I am one of the gullible types yes but only when I feel you are being 100% serious. EXAMPLE: Say we are talking about prop 404. Someone says to me, "I don't see why people would say no to it. It doesn't even raise your taxes." I know that's not true because how else are they gonna get the money? Pull it out of their ass? But here I go and say, "Yeah they do. Right?" Person I am talking to says, "No. It doesn't." Me, "Oh. Okay." WHY THE HELL CANT I STAND UP FOR MYSELF?!

You see? I have faults like everyone else. And this doesn't even begin to scratch the surface of my imperfections. I'm only human. But if you really knew me... You'd know i have self doubt. Which is only a vague way of saying everything I just said.

Xoxo. Caitlin Lorraine.

Random Thoughts

This week has been a big boring nothing week. Over the span of three days I FINALLY watched The Lord Of The Rings. My next series to tackle: Star Wars. I have just been sitting on my butt doing nothing. I get up to do my chores and go to the bathroom but other than I don't do anything... Just like those pirates. (veggie tale reference) I really need to change this. Although next week wont be any better. I will be memorizing my lines and writing my SEP outline and trying to get my English grade up and get that part of my life back in check. I hate it when I lose control of a situation like I have pretty much everything right now. I just wish I had the drive to do this. Knowing you have to do something is one thing. But actually getting up and doing it is entirely different. I just hope I can make the change in the next 9 days. I will force myself to make a habit out of it. The other day I totally made a FOOL out of myself. I was asked to act like nothing ever happened. And I did. And then it seemed like I didn't even tho I was. Make sense? That's pretty much as vague as I can get it and also as clear as I can as well. I just need to not be reckless and keep my thoughts organized. I just want to get back to school and for things to get back to the way they were. Or better. That would be nice. I just hope I didn't jeopardize any possible chance I had. Tomorrow I will be with Molly and hopefully she can talk some sense into me. I don't think being couped up at home is good on anyone. You tend to go a little crazy. I don;t know what I'm going to do once I graduate. Scratch that. I don't know HOW I'm going to what I'm doing once I graduate. I feel like everything needs to be put on pause. But this is only high school. I haven't caught even a sliver of real life. Things are still being handed to me. I don't know where all this is coming from. Maybe because my friend James just asked me what it feels like to be 18. Whether he was serious or not I don't know but its a good question nonetheless. I guess, James, it was fun at first. I got to do a whole bunch of stuff I couldn't do before. I got carded twice. Not for anything bad but still I thought that was cool. But now that I only have three quarters left of high school left I'm being pressed down to the floor. There is so much out there and I will have so much that is expected of me. How do you live up to every ones standards. That question is easy to answer. Don't live up to any bodys standards and expectations other than your own and that of God. You matter and what you think and how you view yourself is what is going to make or break you out in the world. God is there, following you and when you look down in the sand and see only one set of footprints... That's God carrying you through your struggles. Trust in God to be there when nothing is going right. When you are in debt. When you are in trouble. Know that you can make a difference and depending on the situation God will be there to back you up. So yes. Being 18 is awesome. but it comes with the territory.

Xoxo. Caitlin Lorraine (:

Goodbye Facebook :)

Hello all! So For this two week break I am going to blog about everything instead of just being on facebook everyday. It's a waste of time, personally, and I dont need to be on there. So here I go again :)

This break is gonna be boring for the most part because I am grounded, go figure. BUT! I get to have some fun. I am going to be spending my Friday with my friend, Molly. I don't know what we are gonna do but it's gonna be a blast. And then Saturday I have my last Barbizon class! WOO HOO! Go modeling! OH! And possibly on Thursday I will be getting my tattoo :D I'm so excited! All next week I will be in Sierra Vista at my moms boyfriends house. That will be fun. Bioshock 1 and 2 all day. And Mountain Dew galore :) What a life.

Cienega High School is putting on the show Romeo and Juliet :) Its gonna be AWESOME! I play "Friar" Lawrence. I put quotes around Friar because I'm a girl and I can't be a friar. I can, however, be a nun. So I am actually Sister Lawrence. But it's still awesome. I have a lot of lines to memorize. Not as many as Romeo or Juliet but still quite a bit. Oh... And West Side Story is the musical! Woot Woot!

I used to be in guard, but my mom made me quit. I guess you could say it gets rid of a lot of stress but really it isnt. If anything I have more. I work better when I am under a time crunch. And I tend to procrastinate if I have time on my hands. Oh well. I just need to change my priorities. I will be taking this break to do so.

Right now I am watching I Am Legend (sp?) with my sisters... We are watching the part where he is yelling at Fred. My friend Justin, 3 years ago, did this monologue in our beginning drama class. Ahhh... Memories. I finally got Naomi to just get over herself and watch it. Haha! She is actually liking it. SUCCESS! I kinda wish I could direct my own movie. I think that would be so cool (:

OH! I'm in choir, right? The concert went amazing! My friend Aaron and I had a duet together and it sounded really good. At least thats what I was told. Everyone did so good! If you are on facebookand youre my friend go look at the videos. Haha!

Well Im gonna go finish watching the movie now and do my chores so I dont get grounded another week. 'Til next time :)

Xoxo. Caitlin Lorraine!

Write It Out.

It's amazing what you learn about yourself when you just sit down and write. Just start writing and let your mind take you wherever it may go. You never know what you will discover.

Xoxo Caitlin Lorraine :)

Title Of Post (:

So, I couldnt think of what I wanted to name this post so I just did what the cast of "Title Of Show" did... And now you see how I got my title. Okay. MOVING ON :)



Today was rather interesting in a not so fun way :/ First: I wake up early and cant sleep. Then I get in a HUGE fight with my mom about my schedual (which, by the way, I dont have a zero hour anymore. And depending on how I like my shadowing it will be going back when I turn 18). After that I was outside for a long time and got pink shoulders. On the bright side I learned a lot of rifle work and I am pretty good. Haha! But thats about all that happened today...



Right now I am filling out papers for the Pima County Sheriffs Departmant so I can shadow a Forensic Tech and be out in the field :) SO EXCITED! If this passes I will get to shadow 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Thats when all the murders happen! Maybe I will get to see a dead body! Now, dont get me wrong, I think its horrible that people are being killed, but it is so cool!!!



I am also watching Dr. Dolittle with Eddie Murphy. LOVE <3>

Well... This is really all I have to say... OH! Molly asked me why, in my last post, I put the word "apples" in my title. Well Molly. I have an answer for you :) In guard the other day we were learning a dance routine and the way we moved our hands it looked like we were picking apples. So the whole rest of the routine we revolved it around apples :) Okay! Byee for now!

Xoxo Caitlin Lorraine

Sun. Tan. Apples :)

So today would be the first official day of band camp. It was fun. Woke up late. Did rills out in the hott hott sun. Almost passed out!!!I had never ever felt like that before! It wont happen again... Note: STAY HYDRATED!! After a while we went inside. My friends Krista and Carly and I decided that once a week we will have a work out day at my house! EXCITED!!! Haha! Then I also got my schedule ( Thanks Anne for correcting me :) ) Here it is! SENIOR YEAR HERE I COME!

Zero Hour- Anat/Phys with Parks
Per. 1- TA with Garmon
Per. 2- English with Meeker
Per. 3- Advanced Drama with Garmon
Per. 4- Concert Choir with Yount
Per. 5- American Government with Levinson
Per. 6- Stagecraft with Garmon
AB- SEP with Levinson
:) And hopefully I will be doing Color Guuard as well. Still need to talk to the directors, however.
This year is going to be amazing!!! I can feel it!!

Until next time.
Xoxo Caitlin Lorraine (: